You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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