I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize