drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
