3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
