I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
