I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
