Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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