Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize