I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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