So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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