I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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