Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think your dad took our porno
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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