HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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