I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
he high fived his dick after we had sex
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
