Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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