My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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