My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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