You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
