I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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