is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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