how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
