just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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