First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
