I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
