your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
