I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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