Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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