So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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