i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
