My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
