I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
