My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My balls are so social today.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
