yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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