Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
