i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
