the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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