I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He felt like a one man threesome
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize