I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
