party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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