This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
