My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
