I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
