I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
