Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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