i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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