What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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