I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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