Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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