Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
