She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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