I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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