Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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