Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
