Kiss
Puke
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
