Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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