I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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