You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
