everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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