There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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