What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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