I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
