rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
