he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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