why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
