k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
