I can tuck mytits in my pants
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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