his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
